Red Roses' and Bleeding Hearts

I have plenty of guy friends but I dont really "like" a lot of boys, mainly because I feel that they all play games and because of the fact that I have guy friends I hear how they talk about girls; while it can be funny its also pretty pitiful how hard these girls go for someone that doesnt even like them(lol if they only knew what I knew). Also I hate seeing miserable girls crying all the time because of some stupid shit a boy did or didnt do for her. So personally I just find it easier to not be bothered with the bullshit. Plus I am determined to enjoy my life while I still can, I'll be damned if I'm going to spend my youth crying, and being sad over a guy that I'm not even going to know in a few years....

But of course there is an exception to every rule, and he is my exception. The things he can make me do are shameful and he seems to make me feel like I can do anything. Whenever I'm with him I never want it to end but the time seems to fly by. Its crazy that I wake up thinking about him and fall asleep wanting him. I find it totally insane that when I'm not with him I spend my time wondering if he is thinking about me. Yet unless he reads this blog, he will never know that he makes me melt every time he looks at me; nor will he know that his voice makes me blush and his touch makes me completely submissive.

Why???

Because while it seems to be a picture perfect situation it can quickly turn into something horrific. I will never fully be able to trust him with my emotions because I will always be scared of what he might do with them. I'm terrified that as soon as I let go, thinking that he is doing the same, some other bitch is going to come out of the air talking about "he is hers". Everyone that knows me knows I define the "I dont give a fuck" attitude, but if that were to happen in more than sure that I would be heartbroken. Another thing is that he can tell me all he wants that he likes me the same and try as hard as he wants, but with all the fucked up shit that I have seen guys do to the girls that I love I just cant bring myself to believe it.

So I have committed the ultimate fuck up!!!

But fuck it I'm not going to tell him!!