Kate Nash - Nicest Thing (Animation)

i.love.this.song.

Moment 4 Life? Not Quite

My moments for life are usually in my dreams...

That's where 'I fly with the stars in the skies and no longer try to survive.' Meanwhile, every moment I'm awake, I'm still usually stuck dreaming. So in reality, my mind never seems to be in tune with what's currently occurring in my life. I'm either daydreaming, wishing, or dreaming,...wondering when will I rise. When will my heart build up a passion to LIVE. When will my soul want to be ALIVE. I want to have a moment for life, then take a moment and celebrate my moment for life. I'd throw my hands to the sky and run.[For my life]. And I'd do it with my eyes closed just to prove I beat my dreams. But in the meantime, I'll just wait...for the time I begin to rise...for the time my moment of life arrives...
I'll just sit here and wait unalive

Is It So Much To Ask?

Is it so much to ask...
For you to love me like I love you
Is it so much to ask...
To not play me as a fool
Is it so much to ask...
You to kiss me under the moonlight
Is it so much to ask...
Me is everything alright and hold me through the night
Is it so much to ask...
For you to listen to my dreams
Is it so much to ask...
To occasionally treat me like a Queen

I don't ask for much...
I just want your love.

Mary J. Blige - I'm Goin' Down

I just love this song. Not for any particular reason...I've just always loved Mary's voice and she KILLED this song. Sometimes I feel the need to take myself back and listen to some REAL music. Lately, I've been getting a little too used to this nonsense these so called "artists" have come up with these days. Currently listening to this on repeat....

Dog Days Are Over

If my dog days were over...
I'd kiss a midget and tell him I loved him.
I'd climb the highest mountain and dance 'til my feet went numb.
I'd dress up everyday just for the hell of it.
I'd move to another state with no plans on how I'd survive.
I'd smoke my cigarettes out of a gold cigarette holder.
I'd hop on a train and make friends with the engineer.
I'd fly to Paris and sit on top of the Eiffel Tower and dream.
I'd buy a chimpanzee and call her Zoey.
I'd finally look myself in the mirror and smile...
If my dog days were over.

Turkey Day Follow Up

So Thanksgiving is over, which means we are even closer to Christmas!!! (which I'm not even all that excited about) but oh well. I'm more excited about New Years than I am for Christmas. Is that bad? Not that I care what you think anyway, but I thought I'd ask for no apparent reason. I'm not even going to do the whole bullshit new year's resolution thing this year either. I fail every time. So I've decided to just give up. Plus, I think I like me the way I am. Finally. Why change?...

Although...I know QUITE a few people who should maybe start on a list for themselves. But I won't name any names.

My build-a-bear is smiling at me :) <----random, but I just looked up for a second and he was so cute.

Anyway, I kind of wish we had some type of Thanksgiving leftovers. That's the only sucky part about my mom NOT cooking on Thanksgiving. I sort of forgot the point in this blog, but...I aint got shit else to do and that's why my fingers are still in action. (still in action of typing, not for anything else) I promise. Freak.

Why do they call black friday black friday? <----random again. I know. And I really don't have any explanation for this random thought.

I wish I wasn't broke so I could buy good gifts this year, buuuuut....it's the thought that counts, right?? :D
I just hope nobody gets me a "thought that counts" gift :/
Although, the only thing I really want for Christmas is a tattoo. Well, a half sleeve. Which will take more than one sitting, but if I could do it in one sitting, I would. Oh...and some clothes would be nice...
I also need a pair of black ugg boots. And maybe some new brown ones too. But that's not as important as the black ones. Oh yea, and some jewelery and make-up too. I love make-up. And jewelery.
That's all though. I swear.

Is clear a color? Or is it just like..a non-color adjective?
...I guess you get it by now that I just have random thoughts at times.

I miss last night. I had fun. I'm glad I don't really get hangovers. I'm ready to do it all over again. Which I will. So I'm going to get ready now.
Peace. Love. & Hello Kitty.

Facebook Note. Nothing New.

(fist half was written on September 21, 2009 and second half was written on September 16, 2010....both were supposed "to be continued"...but i just combined the two together)

Another day, no more dollars
And to swallow the truth, is getting even harder.
Living hell on earth, full of pain, and left here to suffer
All the solutions in the world couldn't help me recover.
Growing up to die, dying to grow a failure
Trying to move forward, but there's always a barrier.
Judge me, hate me, kill me softly
Throw the names at me that they all have already called me.
You're wasting your time, wasted has been mine
I’m twisted the wrong side up, as a six is to a nine.
Rain has poured on me, the storm is slowly chasing
I'm running past demons who are smiling and waving.
My life you don't know, I keep it on the low
My heart is what my sleeve continues to hold…
As the waves crash down, my spirit seems to follow
The failure of yesterday and the darkness of tomorrow.
Freedom reigns, but not in this place
The greatness of my life gets harder to trace.
Numb emotionally, but I see the pain
The pictures of the past remain in my brain.
Yielding to disaster, as destruction flies by
Nothing to stop and answer the simple question "why."
Why my heart cries out to the seas
Why my spirit struggles to be free.
Why my eyes look right and my body goes left
Why every ruining of my life, my memory has kept....

BUT...

...just where my mind takes me sometimes.

As the waves crash down, my spirit seems to follow
The failure of yesterday and the darkness of tomorrow.
Freedom reigns, but not in this place
The greatness of my life gets harder to trace.
Numb emotionally, but I see the pain
The pictures of the past remain in my brain.
Yielding to disaster, as destruction flies by
Nothing to stop and answer the simple question "why."
Why my heart cries out to the seas
Why my spirit struggles to be free.
Why my eyes look right, and my body goes left
Why every ruining of life, my memory has kept....(to be continued)

Rough Start, End Smart

Always at war, fighting battles I know I'd never win
But something keeps me pushing and fighting 'til the end.
The clock continues to race, but I move at a steady pace
No missing out on obstacles I should probably face.
My head nods as my body shakes
Will not say no until I've taken all I can take.
Pressing on fearless and strong
Not even knowing if it's where I belong.
The intricate journey to an anonymous place
Hoping in the end, it doesn't lead to fate..

Time never runs out, but a clock won't tick for a life time.
My heartbeat is my clock, and I realize my life is on the line.
I take my steady pace and begin to race
Not knowing what I've begun to chase.
But the battles are easier to fight, the burdens feel light
So whatever I'm chasing must be all right...

Bitch Nigga Remedy, Please?

2010 has been an odd year so far. Males are really starting to surprise me with their female type actions. Jumping into bitch drama when unnecessary, bitching when there is nothing to bitch about, and calling girls bitches/whores just because we don't give a muther fuck about them.

It's been nice to see the weakness of a "man"...#Not
It's been slightly annoying.

And it's funny how they are so quick to call a girl a slide for the dumbest shit.
"Oh, you unfollowed me on twitter? okay, SLIDE!" <--- (happened to my friend)
"Oh, you stole my beer? you SLIDE!" <---- (happened to me last night)
"Oh, you don't wana see me? that's fine, SLIDE!" <--- (happened to me 2 nights ago)
Uuuum, when I suck all your friend's dick, come back to you, then go back around, THEN you can call me a slide. Until then, shut the fuck up and quit acting like a bitch. Thanks.

And DON'T act all hard when you see me like you don't wanna see me. Then text me as SOON as I leave your sight asking me what I'm doing...
.........Pop up on my facebook chat EVERYTIME I sign on...
....Text me "So we don't speak?" when I walk by you and didn't notice yo ass.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

when I DO speak, you can't even look at me, won't even make conversation, and act like you're too good. THAT'S why I pretend you're not there.

um, you're LAME and really should try NOT walking around like you're the shit.
I promise you're NOT.
"When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package."
- John Ruskin

And stop telling me what I need to do. Thanks.
"A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice."
- Bill Cosby

And #shoutout to all the dudes out there who call themselves men, who really are bitches...

If she just wanted to smash, she just wanted to smash. Stop trying to wife her.

If she's hanging out with guys all time, it doesn't always mean she's fucking them. So stop calling her a hoe.

If she wants to give her number out, who the fuck cares. What's the difference between you asking for a number and her giving hers out?

If she's twerkin' it in the club, let her do her thang. At least she's not jumping up and down with her shoes off, huddled up with her ratchet ass friends, shaking her weave like they dreads, and chanting waka flocka lyrics right along with the goons.

sry, I hate when females act ghetto. #NotCute

Anyway, DAMN..why are males so worried about what us females are doing these days? Do they really have nothing better to do?

I miss the good ol' days when none of this mattered. I sometimes wish I could go back to being ten. My boyfriend only got mad at me if I scored a higher grade than him on a test or some shit like that. Or if i didn't want to play with him during recess. The stupid shit that was actually cute.

And what's up with the ex boyfriend's pulling these bitch moves?
It's kind of sad. You're NEVER a man for throwing information back at a female to try and hurt them. We may me tough, but we do still have feelings. Sorry they're not feelings for you though. *shrugs*
But thank you for letting me know I should never trust a guy with personal information. All they will do is throw it in your face when they are angry with you.

I can close my eyes to things I do not want to see, close my ears to things I do not want to hear, but I can't close my heart to things I don't want to feel.

Yea, you hurt me. But I'm not going to waste my time and fight back.
"If you lose your temper, you've lost the argument."
And I feel you've lost it once you threw that at me. So sorry dude, YOU LOSE.

But I dare you to put your hands on a female. I'll fight until I can't fight anymore. Not caring if I win or lose in the end. I won't let myself walk away from a situation like that and let you think I think it's okay.

That's a Bitch move.

I feel like this blog is longer than expected. So I will wrap it up before I actually get mad, start calling names, and put people on blast for no reason. That's not what I want to do...
....is it??

LOL, i'll save that for my next blog ;)

Free Time!

I looked in the mirror and saw disgust,
I looked behind me constantly.
I looked down and never saw up,
I struggled to think clearly.

I look in the mirror, I am free,
I will never look behind.
My head is high, the world no longer has me beat,
And time has cleared my mind.

The Road Goes On Forever, but the Party Never Ends.

So I invited the pistols over to my boys' place, and yes, we got fuuuucckkedd uuuppp, had a ball, and will do it all over again very soon.
Just because that's how we roll.
LOVE our lives. If we did nothing wrong, then we'd never do anything ;)

















I live for the nights I can't remember with the people I'll never forget.

















Time is never wasted when youre wasted all the time.

















We may be bad, but we're perfectly good at it.

















If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
And we say, "FUCK the PO-lice!"

(̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے


Cruisin' downtown with maya (a new pretty pistol) and Tina baby trying to find wtf to do for the night. Somebody hits me up on twitter and says him and his boy are having a get together. Okay, that's an option...
My boy Marcus aka LongDickHer hits me up saying "come thru, bottles on deck."
That's not even an option, that's a HELL YES.
Get to LongDickHer's place (or whoever's place it was) and some dude yells "Twinkletoez!" (that's my name on Facebook). I give him the blank stare and say "who are you?" He says "You follow me on twitter!"
@ImScrewedup <--- (Follow him. he's the coolest)
I say "Ohhhhh!! BUCKNASTY!?"...
yep, it was him.
I say aloud, "Wait, u told me about a get together today at ur boys place. LongDickHer must be your boy. And this must be the get together you were talking about."
About 20 minutes after that, Stephanie and Jasmine show up and from then on, we had a goooooodd assss night. Mad I still don't even know BuckNasty's real name tho. SMFH.

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.

I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it.
So please treat me like a woman.
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
You already showed me you can't handle me at my worst, and now that I'm at my best, you at least want to be friends. I approach you as a friend and you approach me like a dog. Fuck you, you can't handle me at my best either.

I HATE you for treating me less than I really am.

I may have been selfish, but was only selfish for you. I was only impatient waiting for you. I was only insecure because you only noticed my flaws.

I'm happy now. I love my myself. I love my life. I don't care about what you or others think. I smile even when things don't go my way. Your harsh words don't bother me anymore. My bad memories are finally starting to fade away. I'm mad I used to think I needed you...because now I see,
It was you that needed me.

So go ahead and be the dog that I will never fuck with again, and BITE ME.



P.S
I will never let anyone take advantage of my kindness again. I am no longer afraid to stand up for myself. I WILL tell you you're wrong if you're wrong. I will never apologize for something that wasn't even wrong. I will not force myself to care about you anymore. I really do NOT like you. (so stop begging). I will no longer try to help you. I will no longer let you depend on me for your happiness. I will no longer "shutup and let you speak." I will no longer let you get away with your bullshit again....because I'M the one who will walk away now. For good. I can't be your friend, because you STILL treat me the same.

fuck you, your thoughts, and your life.
Thanks.

Red Roses' and Bleeding Hearts

I have plenty of guy friends but I dont really "like" a lot of boys, mainly because I feel that they all play games and because of the fact that I have guy friends I hear how they talk about girls; while it can be funny its also pretty pitiful how hard these girls go for someone that doesnt even like them(lol if they only knew what I knew). Also I hate seeing miserable girls crying all the time because of some stupid shit a boy did or didnt do for her. So personally I just find it easier to not be bothered with the bullshit. Plus I am determined to enjoy my life while I still can, I'll be damned if I'm going to spend my youth crying, and being sad over a guy that I'm not even going to know in a few years....

But of course there is an exception to every rule, and he is my exception. The things he can make me do are shameful and he seems to make me feel like I can do anything. Whenever I'm with him I never want it to end but the time seems to fly by. Its crazy that I wake up thinking about him and fall asleep wanting him. I find it totally insane that when I'm not with him I spend my time wondering if he is thinking about me. Yet unless he reads this blog, he will never know that he makes me melt every time he looks at me; nor will he know that his voice makes me blush and his touch makes me completely submissive.

Why???

Because while it seems to be a picture perfect situation it can quickly turn into something horrific. I will never fully be able to trust him with my emotions because I will always be scared of what he might do with them. I'm terrified that as soon as I let go, thinking that he is doing the same, some other bitch is going to come out of the air talking about "he is hers". Everyone that knows me knows I define the "I dont give a fuck" attitude, but if that were to happen in more than sure that I would be heartbroken. Another thing is that he can tell me all he wants that he likes me the same and try as hard as he wants, but with all the fucked up shit that I have seen guys do to the girls that I love I just cant bring myself to believe it.

So I have committed the ultimate fuck up!!!

But fuck it I'm not going to tell him!!

#nowplaying

Is there such thing as "Perfection" when it comes to Guys??

So I was recently asked by someone, "What kind of guys do you like??" and its a question that I get asked all the time and the rehearsed answer is, "Guys that are actually doing something with their lives!!" But to be honest I have never really thought of what my "Perfect" type of guy would be like. Today though, as I sat bored around my house because my car is sick and none of my pistols will come get me (lol), I really thought about what the "Perfect" guy would be that knocked me off my feet and would really make me change.

So here goes:
My perfect guy would ideally be brown skin, he would be taller than me, which isnt hard because I am shorter than everyone. He would be focused on life and determined to get the things that he wanted out of it. He would be able to help me stay focused on who I was and because I would constantly take care of the things he needed he would always make sure that I had the things that I needed. He would be slightly jealous and a little over protective, but not to a level of craziness. He would demand respect, but never fell short of giving me the utmost respect. He would be sarcastic and have the same odd sense of humor that I have, he'd be playful. He would have a smile that made my heart melt and eyes that I would love to stare into all the time. He would need me and ask me to do things for him that he could do himself, just because he knows that I like to feel needed. He would never forget a holiday even if for whatever reason we were far apart, he'd find some way to do something special. He would be strong but always gentle when dealing with me and my feelings. He would respect me and listen to my opinion. He would be fascinated by me and really want to learn who I was and what I thought about. He would be sweet and then the very next day be an asshole. We would argue because he wouldnt hesitate to tell me if something I was doing was wrong or just not the best idea. He would be my friend and my protector and I would be his rock and his caregiver and together we would provide for each other......


Think this is all a fairytale that I made up?? Unfortunately its not. I met this perfect man in passing and with everything in me I wanted to tell him that he is everything I dream of; but of course me being the tainted, victimized girl I am I ignored all his "perfect" qualities and sent him away.

Too bad for me, because now I will forever search for his one of a kind perfection!

What's good for the goose....

Look at me posting quickly...

i'm posting because i feel like i needed to disappear for a minute before i go stir fucking crazy.. first i want to call out Ryan, who not only is our sole pretty pistol reader, but the founding father of Stoner's lounge, the most kick ass blog EVER!!! or maybe because the pistols have nothing but love for our boy.... but Ryan, seriously, you're a good guy.. stay that way, please... thanx for talking me out of being an angry little pistol (not a revolver, cause those mu'fuckas only got six rounds and my aim ain't all there).

so yes, lovelies... i was in a sorry ass mood and i shouldn't be, cause I'm Stephanie Mu'fuckin Carter and i've been through a lot worse... so yeah, ENOUGH, that is all i'll say about this....

let me get to the good stuff...

Songs i heard and liked recently

and to think i used to hate GaGa, like i used to think this bitch is some pompous self proclaimed artist, but now it makes sense.. bitch is going somewhere... i like her.

shit puts me to sleep i like it.

now, i don't like the Killers, yeah fuck you, i hear your boos and hisses and i don't give a fuck... but this version of that dreadful song opened my eyes the lyrics are really good... still don't like the Killers, tho... FUCK 'EM....

now this song i heard one day a long ass time ago when I was watching some HORRIBLE Josh Hartnett movie on FX. (Dear FX, how are you gonna give birth to such beauties like Always Sunny In Philadelphia and Nip Tuck and then play that shit... that's just wrong)... yeah i forgot the title but this song plays and i liked it... i like the raspy voice and the drums tapping away all calm and shiz..

oh and the lyrics are feeling right 'bout now...
"I've been down and I'm wondering why/ these little black clouds keep walk around with me/ with me/ It wastes time/ and I'd rather be high..."

oh and another Sade song, yeah i know.. but i really love Sade... like i want to be her shadow, I used to steal my dad's Sade Love Deluxe CD she had which included Diamond Life, Promise,and Love Deluxe and I'd pretend I was on stage and sing Sally and Smooth Operator ...yeah i don't give a fuck i'll be the first to admit it. she's talented and beautiful and really under appreciated. she's back tho, and i'm shocked no one else is dying like me and my sis are...

i just found out Maino went off on her song and i almost died... WTF?! SIT THE FUCK DOWN, MAINO. ARE YOU SERIOUS? HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT.. SADE IS DIETY... THIS SHADY MOTHERFUCKER... sorry that to me is just wrong... but i'll post it cause he did decently, but really.. this is Sade.

see, Ry, i'm all smiles now... good looking out.

Carter's Dating Manifesto

i've always been a very firm believer of "say what you mean and mean what you say". Like don't say you love someone if you really don't. i'd rather us date for ten years and you never say you love me, then us date for a week and you said it after three days and didn't really mean it. it's useless, right? oh, and none of that..' I thought I loved you', bullshit. when you really love someone you know. like it just makes sense and it doesn't change after a week or a month or a year. Or maybe that's just how i love. so that's why i don't say it a lot or very often. because i love hard. when I say it I really mean it.

When i give in, when i give a guy a chance, i'm really giving a guy a chance. like i'm really trying to be with you. if i didn't i wouldn't say it. I'd fuck and walk away. easy. just like that. I'm straight forward and i expect my significant others to be the same way. Don't fuck with me basically. If you want me for some superficial reason i usually find out. My time is precious and i know i have a lot to offer, so if you want to fuck me; let me know. i'll fuck and leave. if you want me for the way i look; try to sprout some brain cells and try to be a better person. but if you want to make me happy and be happy in return let me know, cause I, nor you will live forever...

since this foreign concept seems to elude so many individuals, i'll bump this shit until further notice....

College Countdown/Snuggie Fail

So, I'm 4 days away from being a freshman in college. I was excited until today came. Then I was like shit..I'm kind of afraid. Not afraid of meeting new people, being on my own, and all that. But afraid of having to do school work again, cafeteria food, and the worst ---> HALLWAY BATHROOMS. OHMYGOD..I literally cried when I found out I had to deal with a hallway bathroom. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

On a good note though, I know my roommate and very happy about rooming with her =]

And I'm pretty much ready..I just gotta mentally prepare myself.
My mommy bought me everything I needed today. We spent ALL day shopping. It was tiring, but I was not going to complain. I am very blessed to have a mother and father who is paying for me to go to college, paying for my computer, paying for my insurance, paying my cell phone bill,..etc.

Call me and my sister spoiled if you want. I just call us BLESSED. We are far from spoiled though. Our parents just believe it is a parent's duty to provide for their children. They chose to have us, and didn't expect us or want us to have to do it all on our own. Plus, they know in the future when they grow old, the tables will turn, and WE will care for THEM.

OKAY, so...enough about school n shit. I really want to get this off my chest and let the world know what I think about these pieces of SHIT.


YES, snuggies are a piece of shit. I was soooo disappointed when I got home, rushed to open my snuggie, and the cheap material was all itchy n shit. And it didnt even have a foot pocket like my sister's..

And WTF is this guy doin?


lmfao...they still suck tho.

..Wanna know why my snuggie was not nearly as great as my sister's??...
Well, it's because hers isn't an actual "snuggie" (as seen on tv) I recommend NOBODY buy those shits. I took mine right back after searching on the internet for a Berkshire Blanket Cozy All Over. <--- now THOSE are incredible. But I almost cried after me and my mom called almost every store in charlotte that sold them, and they were all sold out :( So I just took my cheap ass snuggie back to Bed Bath and Beyond and decided to look for a Cozy All Over even though they already told me they had no more. But you know what...those mother fuckers LIED. There was ONE more! :D
So I'm happy. Warm. Not ichty. and Cozy All Over.

Goody Goody Gum Drop

As I sit here, leg hanging off the arm rest of the couch, sweats on, looney tunes boxers underneath, and hoody, I've come to the conlusion that this year of 2010 is going to be no different than 2009. Maybe slighty, but no major changes. I'm sick of people writing down their long ass lists of "new years resolutions" and then not do shit about it but talk about it. And yes, I'm #guilty. I've been saying I'm going to lose 20 pounds for the past 3 years..but it never happens. I've only gained. smh. BUT that's why I've decided that this year will not be a drastic change, I'm not making any new years resolutions, and I'm just guna accept the fact that I'm a fatass now. Why change?? I like me. I will be starting school and just plan to be successful. That's what 2010 will hold for me. JUST a successful year. That is all.

I did say I will make some slight changes though...

Lessons learned from 2009:
1. I will never stop at a gas station in the hood by myself again
2. I will never put weave in my hair again
3. I will never attempt to throw a house party again
4. I will never cheat..again. yes, #guilty again O_o
5. I will never sit with brian gandy in church again
6. I will never shave drunk again
7. I will never answer a private number again
8. I will try not to forget to put on deodorant
9. I will never fuck. be in a good mood. then post my experience on this blog.
10. I will never fuck in my car again #fail
11. I will never smile at a sweet text message just to read SIKE at the bottom of it again
12. I will never fall for somebody KNOWING I will never have them
13. I will never get drunk at the beach with Jasmine or Stephanie again..maybe
14. I will never drink Erikas juice again
15. I will never fuck a guy with an extremely large penis, then try to be happy with an average size penis again
16. I will never buy anything off ebay again
17. I will never fart in my cat's presence again. (that bitch just bit me and ran)

So..those are some things I have learned in 2009 that will not happen in 2010. See, just little things. 2009 was a good year and I'm hoping the same for this year. And as for me, I will still be ME.

Top THREE 2009 memories:

-Trying anal sex #amazing (why I gotta lie for?) just #keepinit100
-Alcohol hunt at myrtle beach with the pistols, then finding a pool hall who didn't give a fuck about our age and not spending a dime.
-Getting my car :)
......Making life long friends. Finally realizing I should be worried about pleasing nobody but myself and God. And discovering T-mobile is by far the SHITTIEST service ever.

This upcoming year is guna be super awesome. The one thing I WOULD like to see though, is more people reading our blog! I feel like Ryan Douglas is the only one who actually cares and takes time to read. So thankyou Ryan, this is why you are my favorite.

one last 2009 memory:
-meeting Ryan! =]

[he's basically...THE SHIT.]

p.s
I pretty much just wrote this because I was bored, and nobody has blogged in a while, and I can't sleep.

And I realized after reading it, I really do talk about sex alot. #dontjudgeme