do you think that she is prettier than me??

i have no good intro for this i have written and rewritten the first sentence 100+ times but here is goes.

today i was with my favorite person in the world just talking about nonsense. i went to see her actually just to cheer myself up for the very interesting few days that i've had and while it worked it made me REALIZED a lot of things about myself.

i think that me and my favorite are PRETTY girls, and also have EXCELLENT personalities. if u asked me to rate us on a scale i mean i think we would get and 8 or a 9 but DESPITE what i think about us or what we think about each other we are - and most likely will always be- INSECURE.

for instance i am interested in this boy (i guess he's more of a man seeing as he is my age) and no matter how much i like him or how good for me i think that he really is i will NEVER pursue him. and i can say that it is because i don't want a BOYFRIEND and/or i already know the OUTCOME but the at the end of the day it is SOLELY because i am INSECURE far more than i would like to admit. i refuse tell him in spite of my desire because

1. i dont want to be REJECTED

2. what if he just DOESN'T like my PERSONALITY

3. there are a BILLION other girls that are PRETTIER than me and he can easily have them

4. what if he has an EX that he is still IN LOVE with and i CANT live up to her legacy

5. what if he is TALKING to another girl at the same time and CHOSES her?

(and i mean why wouldnt he chose her im sure she PRETTY too, and has an AWESOME personality, and they probably get along a lot BETTER. she probably DOESN'T COMPLAIN half as much as i do, she might even DRESS better, and have MORE to talk about than i do)

the thing that BOTHERS me the most is that right at this very moment he is probably SLEEPING not giving 2shits about the situation and i am here blogging about it STRESSING over it! it bothers me that no matter how PRETTY i think i am it will ALWAYS boil down to what HE thinks of ME....

it is never THEM that are in the WRONG it is always me. i am constantly ANALYZING myself wondering what did i do WRONG, what did i SAY that he didn't like, what was i WEARING that wasn't flattering,

never maybe he is just an ASSHOLE....