A little piece of musical Valium

sometimes i feel like some big lumbering ugly chik named Bertha or some other name that's only issued to cows or people born before the fifties. sometimes i want to just scream cause i'm so angry and sometimes i feel like being very quiet. I'm like this little tornado with not enough wind and i just don't know what to do. i was driving to this hole in the wall club Rae's always ending up in and since i'm usually with her i end up too. i'm listening to NPR like i do when i'm by myself and lost or feel like i could possibly get lost since i'm a horrible driver,because the voices are like this serene ocean to me and plus it reminds me of when i was a little kid and daddy would drive us to school in the morning and we'd listen to All Things Considered . like i'm just this little kid and i'm doing what i should be doing and i'll be safe cause my dad's driving. so i'm listening and their doing World Cafe and this song comes on and it literally makes my soul chill out and i imagine this is what it must feel like when you just know everything is taken care of and you can just rest easy. like my idyllic little life in moreno valley, california when i was little and we had plum trees, and grapes, and peaches. and i thought it was romantic and i swooned and wanted to disappear for a second and just be happy like i used to be when i was a little kid... cause i was this really happy little kid. just really fucking happy. ALL the time and i'd sing and shout and snuggle up to people and when family members see me again they just look at me and go "who the fuck's this". and i really couldn't tell them...


later i found out that the song is hardly romantic but mostly about alcohol and some chik with syrup lips and his drunken dependency on her....
and people wonder why i'm cynical.